Seu objetivo é escrever um programa que imprima o seguinte poema exatamente como aparece aqui:

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly.
I don't know why she swallowed that fly,
Perhaps she'll die.

There was an old lady who swallowed a spider,
That wriggled and iggled and jiggled inside her.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly,
I don't know why she swallowed that fly,
Perhaps she'll die.

There was an old lady who swallowed a bird,
How absurd to swallow a bird.
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider,
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly,
I don't know why she swallowed that fly,
Perhaps she'll die.

There was an old lady who swallowed a cat,
Imagine that to swallow a cat.
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird,
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider,
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly,
I don't know why she swallowed that fly,
Perhaps she'll die.

There was an old lady who swallowed a dog,
What a hog to swallow a dog.
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat,
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird,
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider,
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly,
I don't know why she swallowed that fly,
Perhaps she'll die.

There was an old lady who swallowed a horse,
She died of course.

O texto deve aparecer exatamente como aqui, e o menor número de caracteres vence.

Editar: seu programa pode não acessar a Internet.

Perl 5.10, 392 384 372 235 369 (ASCII) / 234 (Unicode)

A versão ASCII mais curta disso possui 369 caracteres:

@_=(fly,spider,bird,cat,dog);$_="There was an old lady who!ed a";for$P("",",
That wrJand Jand jJinside her",",
How absurd&",",
Imagine that&",",
What a hog&"){$p=$c;$c=$".shift@_;$t=$p?"She!ed the$c to catch the$p,
$t":"I don't know why she!ed that$c,
Perhaps she'll die.

$_";$_.="$c$P.
$t";s/&/ to! a$c/}s/!/ swallow/g;s/J/iggled /g;say"$_ horse,
She died of course."

Começou a partir deste programa base:

my @animals = qw(fly spider bird cat dog);
my $buf = "There was an old lady who swallowed a ";
for my $phrase ( "",
                 ",\nThat wriggled and iggled and jiggled inside her",
                 ",\nHow absurd&",
                 ",\nImagine that&",
                 ",\nWhat a hog&" ) { 
  $previous = $current;
  $current = shift @animals;
  $trail = $previous ? "She swallowed the $current to catch the $previous,\n$trail"
                     : "I don't know why she swallowed that $current,\n"
                       . "Perhaps she'll die.\n\n$buf";
  $buf .= "$current$phrase.\n$trail";
  $buf =~ s/&/ to swallow a $current/;
}
say "$buf horse,\nShe died of course.";

A idéia central é manter o fim da rima e o começo da próxima $trail, aumentando-a à medida que avançamos. Isso não é trivial pela necessidade de um caso especial para o primeiro uso e pela tentativa de reutilizar a variável nome do animal, mesmo na frase específica do animal. Outras otimizações incluem:

• identificadores de um caractere para tudo
• usando palavras de barra em vez de seqüências de caracteres citadas para a lista de animais
• uso do acumulador $_para $bufreduzir ainda mais a maioria das operações de substituição (o uso de @_é por força do hábito e não ganha nada mais do que qualquer outro personagem)
• incluindo o espaço anterior diretamente dentro da variável de nome do animal (o caractere de espaço retirado da $"variável)
• substituição de regexp para encurtar as frases mais comuns: ' swallow'e'iggled '
• nenhum espaçamento de código e tudo \nem literais de string substituídos por novas linhas reais

Todos, exceto a última otimização, produzem isso:

@_ = (fly, spider, bird, cat, dog);
$_ = "There was an old lady who!ed a";
for $P ( "",
         ",\nThat wrJand Jand jJinside her",
         ",\nHow absurd&",
         ",\nImagine that&",
         ",\nWhat a hog&" ) { 
  $p = $c;
  $c = $" . shift @_;
  $t = $p ? "She!ed the$c to catch the$p,\n$t"
          : "I don't know why she!ed that$c,\nPerhaps she'll die.\n\n$_";
  $_ .= "$c$P.\n$t";
  s/&/ to! a$c/;
}
s/!/ swallow/g;
s/J/iggled /g;
say "$_ horse,\nShe died of course.";

Além disso, esse golfe é vítima do problema de codificação subespecificado. Como, a partir de agora, conta caracteres individuais em vez de bytes em uma codificação especificada, há um grande ganho a ser alcançado ao decodificar a fonte do programa do UCS2 antes de iniciar. O resultado final não é mais muito legível, mas é curto, tudo bem. (234 caracteres, contados como uma diferença do perl -E''normal) (tive que incluir a nova linha à direita para torná-la UCS2 válida)

$ perl -MEncode=from_to -e'$_="䁟㴨晬礬獰楤敲Ɫ楲搬捡琬摯朩㬤弽≔桥牥⁷慳⁡渠潬搠污摹⁷桯Ⅵ搠愢㭦潲⑐⠢∬∬੔桡琠睲䩡湤⁊慮搠橊楮獩摥⁨敲∬∬ੈ潷⁡扳畲搦∬∬੉浡杩湥⁴桡琦∬∬੗桡琠愠桯朦∩笤瀽④㬤挽␢⹳桩晴䁟㬤琽⑰㼢卨攡敤⁴桥④⁴漠捡瑣栠瑨攤瀬ਤ琢㨢䤠摯渧琠歮潷⁷桹⁳桥Ⅵ搠瑨慴④Ⰺ健牨慰猠獨攧汬⁤楥⸊ਤ弢㬤弮㴢④⑐⸊⑴∻猯☯⁴漡⁡④⽽猯ℯ⁳睡汬潷⽧㭳⽊⽩杧汥搠⽧㭳慹∤张桯牳攬੓桥⁤楥搠潦⁣潵牳攮∊";from_to($_,utf8,ucs2);eval'

Ainda bem que havia muito para jogar golfe antes de recorrer ao Unicode, ou não seria muito divertido.

Editar: não consigo encontrar uma maneira de copiar / colar a versão de 234 caracteres neste navegador, por isso estou deixando a versão de 235 caracteres. Vou consertar esta noite, quando coloco minhas mãos em uma prancheta real com reconhecimento de UTF8. encontrou uma maneira. Quase à prova de ideona.

Perl, 120 94 caracteres

Contagem inclui chamada para o intérprete.

Você disse para reproduzi-lo exatamente como faz aqui;)

perl -MLWP::Simple -E'($p=get("http://goo.gl/kg17j"))=~s#^.+?pr.*?de>|</co.*?re>.+$##sg;say$p'

NB

Essa solução foi o que levou à restrição de 'não Internet'. Que seja uma lição para futuras especificações de perguntas sobre código-golfe :)

Python 3.x: 407 caracteres

import base64,zlib;print(zlib.decompress(base64.b64decode(b'eNrlkLFOxDAQRPt8xXTXoHwHdEhEot7L+myD8Z7snKz8Pd6LT7mgFFQIRGftPs/OzOBMMiiUQRESGIF4RnGCXCgEKYZBOIW5B7onsMTDhPcopTIzsjN33ORoUvShos8mOTpnJQ4hgL3pu2741rF89mySigwqWJK3NugmMu6eb+3tY648qrRafPniyDQ5TIKRptFdZ83kz+Q5+sQq8ViP0DFfEquZRrT9vnXdbI2v3fzCoPXs9dgHWR/NorpJWoH9oONCrr5vnf35TlisKryqGsGJ3TZS1/uN8EKurlu5/6k7Jymbm7f6kSEnjHKp0/4TSSOZgA==')).decode('utf8'))

JavaScript (422)

Funciona nas versões do intérprete SpiderMonkey usadas pelo anarchy golf e pelo ideone .

for(a="fly0spider0bird0cat0dog0horse0How absurd0Imagine that0What a hog".split(i=0);p=print;p("I don't know why she swallowed that fly,\nPerhaps she'll die.\n")){p("There was an old lady who swallowed a",a[i]+(i?",":"."));i>4&&quit(p("She died of course."));i&&p(i>1?a[4+i]+" to swallow a "+a[i]+".":"That wriggled and iggled and jiggled inside her.");for(j=i++;j;)p("She swallowed the "+a[j]+" to catch the "+a[--j]+",")}

Um pouco mais bem formatado:

for (a = "fly0spider0bird0cat0dog0horse0How absurd0Imagine that0What a hog".split(i = 0);
p = print; p("I don't know why she swallowed that fly,\nPerhaps she'll die.\n")) {
    p("There was an old lady who swallowed a", a[i] + (i ? "," : "."));
    i > 4 && quit(p("She died of course."));
    i && p(i > 1
        ? a[4 + i] + " to swallow a " + a[i] + "."
        : "That wriggled and iggled and jiggled inside her."
    );
    for (j = i++; j;) p("She swallowed the " + a[j] + " to catch the " + a[--j] + ",");
}

Vim, 373 pressionamentos de tecla

iThere was an old lady who swallowed a fly.
I don't know why she s<C-n> that f<C-n>,
Perhaps she'll die.

T<C-x><C-l><Left><C-w>spider<Esc>oThat wriggled <Esc>6hiand <Esc>3hy$u$ppbij<End>inside her.
She s<C-n> the sp<C-n> to catch the f<C-n>,
I<C-x><C-l><C-x><C-l><Esc>qqyapGp3jYPkk$Bqcwbird<Esc>+CHow absurd to sw<C-n><Backspace><Backspace> a b<C-n>.<Esc>qwyb5wvep$Bvepq@qcwcat<Esc>+CImagine that to sw<C-p> a cat.<Esc>@w@qcwdog<Esc>+CWhat a hog to sw<C-p> a dog.<Esc>@w@qcwhorse<Esc>+cGShe d<C-p>d of course.

Engraçado como é exponencial essa luta.

C (gcc) , 429 424 bytes

-5 bytes graças ao ceilingcat

*w[]={"384fly<1","I don't know why she5ed that fly<Perhaps she'll die.772","There was an old lady who5ed a ","She5ed the "," to catch the "," swallow"," to5 a ","\n","spider","bird","cat","iggled ",",7","3948<0"};U(char*s){for(;*s;s++)*s>47&*s<65?U(w[*s-48]):putchar(*s);}f(){U("2fly.718<That wr;and ;and j;inside her.709<How absurd69.7=:<Imagine that6:.73:49<=dog<What a hog6dog.73dog4:<3:49<=horse<She died of course.7");}

Experimente online!

Ruby, 436 caracteres

w=" swallowed "
f="There was an old lady who#{w}a "
c=" to swallow a %s"
b="dog","cat","bird","spider","fly"
s=nil,"That wriggled and iggled and jiggled inside her","How absurd"+c,"Imagine that"+c,"What a hog"+c
a=[]
5.times{k=g=b.pop;t,*s=s
puts f+k+(t ??,:?.),t&&[t%k+?.,a.map{|x|y,k=k,x;"She#{w}the #{y} to catch the #{k},"}],"I don't know why she#{w}that fly,","Perhaps she'll die.",""
a=[g]+a}
puts f+"horse,","She died of course."

Scala ( 706 619 599 550 caracteres)

val L=Seq("fly","spider","bird","cat","dog")
val M="\nThere was an old lady who %sed a %s,"
type S=String
def s(l:S,a:S="",b:S="")=l.format("swallow",a,b)
def p(l:S,a:S=""){println(s(l,a))}
var i=0
var r=List[S]()
L.map{a=>{p(M,a)
if(i>0){p(Seq("","That wriggled and iggled and jiggled inside her.","How absurd","Imagine that","What a hog")(i)+(if(i>1)" to %s a %s."else""),a)
r::=s("She %sed the %s to catch the %s,",L(i),L(i-1))
r.map(p(_))}
p("I don't know why she %sed that fly,\nPerhaps she'll die.")
i+=1}}
p(M,"horse")
p("She died of course.")

Usar o mapa em vez do foreach permite espremer mais caracteres ... No codegolf, não nos importamos com desempenho, elegância (não mutabilidade) ou lógica ...

tinta , 370 369 354 bytes

LIST B=fly,spider,bird,cat,dog,horse
VAR s=" swallow"
-(i)~B=B(i)
There was an old lady who{s}ed a {B}{.|,}
{|That wriggled and iggled and jiggled inside her|How absurd|Imagine that|What a hog|She died of course.->END}{|.| to{s} a {B}.}
-(k)~B--
{B:
She{s}ed the {B+1} to catch the {B},
->k
}I don't know why she{s}ed that fly,
Perhaps she'll die.
\ 
->i

Experimente online!

Explicação

LIST B=fly,spider,bird,cat,dog,horse           // Ink's "LIST"s aren't much like lists - they're more like enums. Here we create a list type stating what animals exist, and make a set containing none of them.
VAR s=" swallow "                              // Pretty self-explanatory
-(i)~B=B(i)                                    // The i label keeps track of how many times we've visited it. We set B (the set) to be equal to the i-th item in B (the list type).
There was an old lady who{s}ed a {B}{.|,}      // Print the first line. {.|,} is a sequence - it's a period the first time it's encountered, and a comma every subsequent time.
                                               // Sequences can have more than one item in them, which is how we print the second line. When we get to the horse one, we terminate the program right away.
{|That wriggled and iggled and jiggled inside her|How absurd|Imagine that|What a hog|She died of course.->END}{|.|to{s} a {B}}.}
-(k)~B--                                       // Step back through the list type.
{B:                                            // A conditional - we execure the next two lines if B is non-empty.
She{s}ed the {B+1} to catch the {B},           // Print the "she swallowed the..." line
->k                                            // And repeat
}I don't know why she{s}ed that fly,           // Only reached when the conditional fails.
Perhaps she'll die.
\                                              // A backslash and a space to force an empty line.
->i                                            // Back to the top

Haskell, 515 498

A pontuação não conta novas linhas e espaços adicionados para apresentação.

b c a="There was an old lady who swallowed a "++a++c++".\n"
t r a=b(",\n"++r++" to swallow a "++a)a
s(a,b)="She swallowed the "++a++" to catch the "++b++",\n"
z=["fly","spider","bird","cat","dog"]
h=[b"",b",\nThat wriggled and iggled and jiggled inside her",t"How absurd",
 t"Imagine that",t"What a hog"]
v(g,p)=g++(=<<)s(zip p$tail p)++
 "I don't know why she swallowed that fly,\nPerhaps she'll die.\n\n"
main=putStr$(=<<)v(zip(zipWith($)h z)(tail$scanl(flip(:))[]z))++b
 ",\nShe died of course""horse"

Ungolfed:

type Animal = String
type Comment = String

beginning :: Animal -> Comment -> String
beginning animal comment = "There was an old lady who swallowed a " ++ animal ++ comment ++ ".\n"

ending :: String
ending = "I don't know why she swallowed that fly,\nPerhaps she'll die.\n\n"

to_swallow :: String -> Animal -> Comment
to_swallow start animal = ",\n" ++ start ++ " to swallow a " ++ animal

swallowed_to_catch :: (Animal, Animal) -> String
swallowed_to_catch (a, b) = "She swallowed the " ++ a ++ " to catch the " ++ b ++ ",\n"

animals :: [(Animal, Animal -> Comment)]
animals = [("fly",    const "")
          ,("spider", const ",\nThat wriggled and iggled and jiggled inside her")
          ,("bird",   to_swallow "How absurd")
          ,("cat",    to_swallow "Imagine that")
          ,("dog",    to_swallow "What a hog")
          ]

-- Turn [1,2,3,4,5] into [[1], [2,1], [3,2,1], [4,3,2,1], [5,4,3,2,1]]
trail :: [a] -> [[a]]
trail = tail . scanl (flip (:)) []

verses :: [String]
verses = zipWith verse animals (trail $ map fst animals)

verse :: (Animal, Animal -> Comment) -> [Animal] -> String
verse (animal, comment) swallow_chain =
    beginning animal (comment animal) ++
    concatMap swallowed_to_catch (zip swallow_chain (tail swallow_chain)) ++
    ending

poem :: String
poem = concat verses ++ beginning "horse" ",\nShe died of course"

main :: IO ()
main = putStr poem

Python, 484

Ok, eu fiz isso, mas era bem chato ...

A última frase é sempre com "fly", então alguns caracteres foram removidos ...

f,s,b,c,d=o='fly spider bird cat dog'.split()
x='There was an old lady who swallowed a %s.\n'
t=' to swallow a %s.\n'
r=['That wriggled and iggled and jiggled inside her.\n','How absurd'+t%b,'Imagine that'+t%c,'What a hog'+t%d]
t=("She swallowed the %s to catch the %s,\n"*4%(d,c,c,b,b,s,s,f)).split('\n')
print("I don't know why she swallowed that fly,\nPerhaps she'll die.\n\n".join([x%f]+[x%o[i]+r[i-1]+'\n'.join(t[-i-1:])for i in range(1,5)]+[''])+x%'horse'+'She died of course.')

Versão menos golfe:

f,s,b,c,d = all = 'fly spider bird cat dog'.split()

what = 'There was an old lady who swallowed a %s.\n'

t = ' to swallow a %s.\n'
comments = ['That wriggled and iggled and jiggled inside her.\n',
            'How absurd' + t%b,
            'Imagine that' + t%c,
            'What a hog' + t%d]

swallowed = "She swallowed the %s to catch the %s,\n"
lines = (swallowed*4%(d,c,c,b,b,s,s,f)).split('\n')

end = '''I don't know why she swallowed that fly,
Perhaps she'll die.\n\n'''

def who_catch_who(i):
    return '\n'.join(lines[-i-1:])

p = end.join([what % f] + 
             [what % all[i] +
              comments[i-1] +
              who_catch_who(i) for i in range(1,5)] +
             [''])

print(p + what % 'horse' + 'She died of course.')

C, por diversão (561 caracteres)

A pontuação não conta novas linhas e espaços adicionados para apresentação.

Obrigado a JB por suas melhorias!

#include <stdio.h>

void main() {
    char *e = "\nShe swallowed the cat to catch the bird,\nShe swallowed the bird to catch the spider,\nShe swallowed the spider to catch the fly,\nI don't know why she swallowed that fly,\nPerhaps she'll die.\n\nThere was an old lady who swallowed a ";
    printf("%sfly.%sspider,\nThat wriggled and iggled and jiggled inside her.%sbird,\nHow absurd to swallow a bird.%scat,\nImagine that to swallow a cat.%sdog,\nWhat a hog to swallow a dog.\nShe swallowed the dog to catch the cat,%shorse,\nShe died of course.", e+191, e+128, e+85, e+41, e, e);
}

C #, 556 caracteres

class P{static void Main(){string a="There was an old lady who swallowed a ",b="I don't know why she swallowed that ",c="She swallowed the ",d=" to catch the ",e="Perhaps she'll die.\n\n",f="fly",g="spider",h="bird",i="cat",j="dog",k=",\n",l=".\n",m="to swallow a ",n=c+g+d+f+k,o=c+h+d+g+k,p=b+f+k,q=c+i+d+h+k,r=n+p,s=o+r,t=q+s,u=e+a;System.Console.Write(a+f+l+p+u+g+k+"That wriggled and iggled and jiggled inside her"+l+r+u+h+k+"How absurd "+m+h+l+s+u+i+k+"Imagine that "+m+i+l+t+u+j+k+"What a hog "+m+j+l+c+j+d+i+k+t+u+"horse"+k+"She died of course.");}}

Perl, 489 caracteres

sub Y{$t=pop;my$s;while($b=pop){$s.="She ${W}ed the $t to catch the $b,\n";$t=$b;}$s.=$l{fly}.$/;}$W='swallow';$w='iggled';$q=" to $W a";$o="There was an old lady who ${W}ed a";$h='hat';@f=qw/fly spider bird cat dog/;@l{@f}=("I don't know why she ${W}ed t$h fly,
Perhaps she'll die.$/","T$h wr$w and $w and j$w inside her.","How absurd$q bird.","Imagine t$h$q cat.","W$h a hog$q dog.");map{$m=$f[$_];print"$o $m,
$l{$m}
",$_?Y@f[0..$_]:'';}0..$#f;print"$o horse,
She died of course.$/"

PHP , 344 bytes

<?=gzinflate(base64_decode("5VAxTsQwEOz9iu2uifIO6JA4iXovu2cbjPdk+2Tl96zjoLugFFQIRGfNjGdn5ug4MVTMgBEkEASkGaoTyBVDkMoECOcwj+YRSOKhwFuUqooZsuM7VXFYmnAwT5wcXnLjDyEAeR6NOX7rUL544jSoWs1q8taGhkeCu+fr+vYxqxrUeDTPX7LwagVFYMIyuQVb4v1Ej5NPNJgHPYCnfE3UYqz8yu5Fbvg28Ocev6yentRD72h95O646af0Xr2p6255+0p/eAcSO5iX5oTgxG5XUHJvBeq6W9plzP+wlpOUuafSbwRyhkmuio0f"));

Experimente online!

PHP , 405 bytes

<?=strtr("0fly.
106That wr8and 8and j8inside her.
23107,
How absurd57.
274623109,
Imagine that59.
2947,
27462310dog,
What a hog5dog.
2dog49,
2947,
27462310horse,
She died of course.",["There was an old lady who swallowed a ","I don't know why she swallowed that fly,
Perhaps she'll die.

","She swallowed the ","spider to catch the fly,
"," to catch the "," to swallow a ","spider,
",bird,"iggled ",cat]);

Experimente online!

Chiclete, 255 bytes

0000000: e0 04 85 00   f7 5d 00 2a   1a 08 a7 55   8e 22 31 d2 │ à...÷].*..§U."1Ò
0000010: cb f7 30 fa   52 4d 88 81   61 e4 be 9d   c2 f0 0e f8 │ Ë÷0úRM..aä¾.Âð.ø
0000020: dc c9 de 24   63 c9 1f c7   f7 71 e4 ed   40 68 0e d2 │ ÜÉÞ$cÉ.Ç÷qäí@h.Ò
0000030: cd 76 d8 d9   0d 61 78 f7   40 cf 23 95   48 e9 be 27 │ ÍvØÙ.ax÷@Ï#.Hé¾'
0000040: aa 75 57 ff   51 9e 1f 1f   25 d8 93 4d   18 69 c9 01 │ ªuWÿQ...%Ø.M.iÉ.
0000050: 12 16 ec c1   ff e0 01 7e   fa ea 1e cc   84 d7 58 b8 │ ..ìÁÿà.~úê.Ì.×X¸
0000060: 47 d4 40 b4   ff c7 64 a9   2f 07 bf 7b   f4 25 74 94 │ GÔ@´ÿÇd©/.¿{ô%t.
0000070: af da 8a fc   0c 18 81 58   b8 3c 2e 97   c0 9d e8 27 │ ¯Ú.ü...X¸<..À.è'
0000080: 3e 02 8a d2   1b 7c 94 cc   cb f4 05 7c   c7 77 f3 75 │ >..Ò.|.ÌËô.|Çwóu
0000090: ea 7e 02 d6   3a 84 5c 4e   1f 88 e7 03   9a 1d 3f 13 │ ê~.Ö:.\N..ç...?.
00000a0: a6 9f 2e cf   be 77 16 be   f1 5f 01 52   cf 13 89 b3 │ ¦..Ͼw.¾ñ_.RÏ..³
00000b0: f3 8a f7 90   18 08 50 99   27 f7 83 d2   a4 32 08 76 │ ó.÷...P.'÷.Ò¤2.v
00000c0: ef b4 99 6c   80 dd 1a 47   04 26 fe b1   02 b3 d4 e7 │ ï´.l.Ý.G.&þ±.³Ôç
00000d0: 3d 44 3a 64   64 46 39 77   35 61 6b 6c   7b 68 34 db │ =D:ddF9w5akl{h4Û
00000e0: 51 75 39 2e   bc 46 8e 96   d1 8a 4c 79   f4 7a 7b e0 │ Qu9.¼F..Ñ.Lyôz{à
00000f0: f5 44 85 eb   ef 68 d5 22   26 4a 2a ef   fc 60 00    │ õD.ëïhÕ"&J*ïü`.

Python 2 , 453 442 427 387 bytes

• @nore salvou 11 bytes: Muito obrigado !!: apontou £usado antes era um caractere de byte duplo !!
• salvou 15 bytes: swallowtaquigrafia
• @nore salvou 40 bytes !!!!! MUITO OBRIGADO!!!
• @Zachary T salvou 1 byte: espaço entre ine "..."removido
• Graças à ferramenta de localização e substituição do bloco de notas ++. ;)

r="%2(:0)That wr66j5 inside her(_1)How absurd+1({3)Imagine that+3(}4)What a hog+4(~4*3)}horse)She died of course."
for i in"}~3*1){!{~1*0)_!_~0*2):!:^2)$%!~She7ed the !%There was an old lady who7ed a !$Perhaps she'll die(\n!* to 3ch the !^I don't know why she7ed that !+ to7 a !(.\n!),\n!0spider!1bird!2fly!3cat!4dog!65 and !5iggled!7 swallow".split("!"):r=r.replace(i[0],i[1:])
print r

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Groovy, 475 bytes

b="swallowed"
a="There was an old lady who $b a"
c="I don't know why she $b that fly,\nperhaps she'll die."
d="She $b the"
e=" to catch the"
f=" to swallow a"
g="iggled"
h=" spider"
i=" fly"
j=" dog"
k=" cat"
l=" bird"
m="$d$h$e$i,"
n="$d$l$e$h,"
o="$d$k$e$l,"
print"""
$a$i.
$c

$a$h,
That wr$g and $g and j$g inside her.
$m
$c

$a$l,
How absurd$f$l.
$n
$m
$c

$a$k,
Imagine that$f$k.
$o
$n
$m
$c

$a$j,
What a hog$f$j
$d$j$e$k,
$o
$n
$m
$c

$a horse,
She died of course."""

Nada muito interessante, apenas muita interpolação de cordas. Dicas de golfe neste são bem-vindas!

tcl, 451 bytes

lassign {\ swallowed fly, spider " to catch the " bird cat iggled " to swallow a"} W f s c b a i w
puts "[set t "There was an old lady who$W a "]fly.
[set I "I don't know why she$W that $f
Perhaps she'll die.

"]$t$s,
That wr$i and $i and j$i inside her.
[set S "She$W the "]$s$c$f
$I$t$b,
How absurd$w $b.[set v \n$S$b$c$s,\n$S$s$c$f\n$I]$t$a,
Imagine that$w $a.
[set X $S$a$c$b,$v$t]dog,
What a hog$w dog.
${S}dog$c$a,
$X\horse,
She died of course."

Disponível para execução em: http://rextester.com/live/GXF89639 (10ª tentativa)

Wolfram Language (Mathematica) , 295 bytes

BinaryDeserialize@ByteArray@ToCharacterCode@"8C:xœåPANÃ0<ãWì­—(ï€R‘8o³[ÛÅx+;••ðnÖqª6(NÄÍšÏÎÌþãáÅqb(˜#H H'† …	Žaê͐ÄÝoQŠ*&ÈŽïT£Ã±
;óÌÉá9W~çÞ˜ïÊgOœ:U«YIÞÚPñHp÷<-o³ªA{³ÿ’…+7cs¼Ÿèqð‰:ó¨ð/‰jŒ…_Ø­È_¾îñËêéI=ôŽÖGnŽ«~JoÕšî–·­ô‡w ±y­NNìz%·V ¦»¥Çük9I™[*ýF Gä¢Xÿ	Tÿ”\""

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Esta solução é um descompressor de 46 bytes que BinaryDeserialize@ByteArray@ToCharacterCode@"..."atua em uma matriz de 248 bytes, disfarçada como uma sequência ASCII. Transferir essa string entre diferentes programas é um pouco complicado. O TIO, por exemplo, aumenta essa solução em 416 bytes usando a codificação UTF-8 em vez de manter a string ASCII. Para obter a solução mínima de 295 bytes, salve o texto em uma variável texte execute

BinaryWrite["ThereWasAnOldLady.wl", Join[
  ToCharacterCode["BinaryDeserialize@ByteArray@ToCharacterCode@\""],
  Normal[BinarySerialize[text, PerformanceGoal -> "Size"]] /. {34 -> Sequence[92, 34]},
  ToCharacterCode["\""]]]

em seguida, execute o arquivo gerado na linha de comandos com

wolframscript -print -f ThereWasAnOldLady.wl 

Caracteres Java 758

Aqui está o meu esforço Java (758 caracteres)

public class Poem{public static void main(String[] args){String s1="swallowed",st="There was an old lady who "+s1+" a |.",d1="Perhaps she'll die.",d2="She died ofcourse.",e="I don't know why she " + s1 + " that fly,\n";String[] a={ "fly","spider","bird","cat","dog","horse"};String[] q={ "","That wriggled and iggled and jiggled inside her.","How absurd |","Imagine that |","What a hog |",null};for(int i=0;i < a.length;i++){print(st.replace("|",a[i]));if(q[i]==null){print(d2);break;}if(!q[i].isEmpty()){               print((q[i].replace("|","to swallow a " + a[i])).trim());for(int j=i;j > 0;j--){print("She swallowed the " + a[j] + " to catch the " + a[j - 1] + ",");}}print(e + d1 + "\n");}}
static void print(String value){System.out.println(value);}}

Java, 655 bytes

public class M{public static void main(String[]P){String S="swallowed",T="There was an old lady who "+S+" a |.",e="I don't know why she "+S+" that fly,\n";String[]a={"fly","spider","bird","cat","dog","horse"};String[]q={"","That wriggled and iggled and jiggled inside her.","How absurd |","Imagine that |","What a hog |",null};for(int i=0;i<a.length;i++){p(T.replace("|",a[i]));if(q[i]==null){p("She died of course.");break;}if(!q[i].isEmpty()){p((q[i].replace("|","to swallow a "+a[i])).trim());for(int j=i;j>0;j--){p("She swallowed the "+a[j]+" to catch the "+a[j-1]+",");}}p(e+"Perhaps she'll die.\n");}}static void p(String v){System.out.println(v);}}

Esta é uma versão em golf desta resposta . Há mais de 100 bytes salvos em pequenas coisas.

Carvão , 369 366 bytes

Ａ”↓0*)Ｂ⎚D³9;7Ｑ7∨-f¶_²χ⁶；↧l⁺I´”¦αＡ“V×q▶²▷O≕⦃0j↖▷(τ⎇⦄4ω\`j0Ｔ⁹ψＩ2b1züρÀ↑‹⁻ê£ＡＺ‹？ＤOR§1φ”¦βＡ⟦spider¦bird¦cat¦dog⟧¦λＡ,¶¦νＡ⟦”↶7⎇ＩＰＶpθθ⪪➙Ｓ²p⸿H⁸✂ν‖2↖²φ↘nτME⦄Ｂ↓ξlＦ⁵y”¦”↶7Nl@;⪫λ38Ｎ∕´≕⁺)³ nÀ‴⦃”¦”↶7←´<7ＹKＢYχnＺ-↖Ｕ⎇ι\HUθ%；⟧”¦”↶7∧§‴⟧O×φ¢\`*NQ¶G⁺$π‽ξat”⟧μＡ”↓/!Ｚm⪫⟧αÀ⁻Ｖε>⟲”¦σＡ”｜‽aＣ-⁴t;Z⌕”¦τＡ“Y∨↷ur1ＢＯ#ÿk»⁻υv‽⌊←zω↘^”¦η⁺αβＦ⁴«⁺⁺⁺α§λιν§μιＦ⮌…⁰ι«⁺⁺⁺⁺σ§λ⁺κ¹τ§λκν»⁺⁺⁺σ§λ⁰τβ»⁺αη

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Link para a versão detalhada do código.

PowerShell , 512 bytes

[IO.StreamReader]::new(([IO.Compression.GZipStream]::new([IO.MemoryStream]::new(([Convert]::FromBase64String('H4sIAAAAAAAEAOVQQWoDMQy8L+wfdMsl5B3tLdBAz8pKsd26VrAdzP4+cm2SbNlDT6WlN6EZzYzmYDkyFEyAAcQTeKQZihVIBb2XwgQIJz/vxuEZSMImw3uQopQZkuUHWraYK3M7DnuOFs+pEjbeAznW83E4fMssnR1x3Fa6CpbojPEVCAQP41ufXUhKB1VWi5cvgbiLQRaYME/2c9cy/tA3RxdJNZ7UBI/pEqlm6YQOrwavwDL2rZdf+KXaVrMPNC5wU128qfjql1Mj3lP3uv56HyRGJV6rGoIVs2xD0dU2qBHvmVut/6c2KzFxj6aXBHKCSS663F0B')),0,249),[IO.Compression.CompressionMode]::Decompress))).ReadToEnd()

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Os nossos agradecimentos a @Chirishman pela sua publicação .

Stax , 195 bytes

ó┤♣≤jß¡εD<Çjò≡²£c¼ìv┴Åô║,·~┼¢╝EΦ5xZ&√σ"ømÿ≡ZπvÅ╦♣1♦>▄\¬◘¡jS¢í╞╟╚);4j↕i¢s♦éÇöy‼ac┴àÇ╩»-ó»ónú¢│g5εÿ╔µ┬bîæ¢k‼f╓fJ○▐═╜<^Γ▀o▀Δnq░╩αÄ&│♣ⁿâmû╣Ç≡*@☺pG_ⁿö┤mσ/V\└?iq┌îB½Ä¿L╙N┐£Ç≥δ2 0δrµLä⌡(⌡▀╬àΦ⌠tƒìg" ⌠ZHó

Execute e depure

Descompactado, não jogado e comentado, parece com isso.

`]q~*}8x9uA3_P0O`jX         push ["fly", "spider", "bird", "cat", "dog"] and store in X register
{                           start iteration over animal list
  `p{+P91{m@Lwe\Jk?!#8`Yp   Store "There was an old lady who swallowed a " in Y register and print it
  .,.i!@+                   Concatenate "." on the first iteration and "," thereafter to the animal
  P                         Print
  i{                        On all iterations after the first, execute this block
    `r4uB2O'O(4XghNqE PhaMg^-riMgR{N>A8LfCNqh@Rn$=aHX|93@_5d?d7qp2-`
                        Push "That wriggled and iggled and jiggled inside her. How absurd, bird. Imagine that, cat. What a hog, dog. She died of course"
    ',`?~nA${F"`R       Replace "," with " to swallow a"
    .. /                Split on string ". "
    iv@                 Get the (i-1)th element where i is the iteration index
    '.+P                Concatenate "." and print
  }M                    End of conditional block
  x2B                   Get adjacent pairs from x (list of animals)
  i(                    Keep first i pairs where i is the iteration index
  r{                    Iterate over reversed list of pairs
    `_,m+"S3&#`p        Print "She swallowed the "
    Ep                  Print the second animal from the pair
    `p<qr?t`p           Print " to catch the "
    ',+P                Concatenate "," to the first animal from the pair and print
  F                     End iterating block
  `;p(9Cv,77BzpP'kB|"`P Print "I don't know why she swallowed that fly,"
  `%?/3.=iHiS6y!`P      Print "Perhaps she'll die."
  zP                    Print a newline
F                       End outer animal iteration.
yp                      Print y register. ("There was an old lady who swallowed a ")
`zvVH`P                 Print "horse,"
                        Print "She died of course." with an unterminated literal
`AJt6Q.3+$!

Execute este

PowerShell , 349 bytes = Script: 9 + Arquivo: 340

tar xOf t

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O script do Powershell para criar o arquivo t(consulte o TIO):

(
@'
There was an old lady who swallowed a fly.
I don't know why she swallowed that fly,
Perhaps she'll die.
......
There was an old lady who swallowed a horse,
She died of course.
'@
) | Set-Content f -Force
tar zcfo t f
Get-ChildItem f,t # output info about archive size